At the end of 2 Samuel, David says that he can't sacrifice what costs him nothing. I guess I can't do that, too. For it to be sacrifice, it must cost something. And I can't give, hoping I'll get something back. That's trying to manipulate God, as if he can be fooled.

7

Today makes 7 years. 7 years since the surgeon removed the cancer from me. Thank you, Lord. Thank you for every day since that day.
Thank you for being able to wake up and see a new day.
Thank you for the new songs I've heard and played and sung since that day.
Thank you for the conversations I've had with people who are very important to me that made me glad I was alive to hear it.
Thank you that you have graced me with another year, another day.
I wonder if other cancer survivors are like this? You never forget the day.
I wonder if I should rename this blog "numbers".

I've been waiting for our stats to blog on the 40 Days of Community. So, I guess we'll wait a little longer.

35

This is the day I grew up. 35 years ago today, Dad died. This is the day I knew that life was not going to be what I thought it would be. There is no such thing as "having it all." Before this day in 1973 I thought bad things happened to other people. Then we were the other people.

We had a deacon in our church named Mort. He was retired and probably in his late 70's when he shared the saddest day in his life. It was the day his mother died. He was 12 years old. We carry some things all our lives. Not because we want to, but because it makes its mark on us.

Grief and loss has made me realize how God has carried me through life in a way that I cannot explain, but I know is real. There isn't a day that goes by that I do not miss my Dad or feel grateful for how I see him in myself and other members of the family.

When I laugh out loud at some comedy routine on TV, I remember watching Red Skelton on TV with Dad and both of us laughing and Mom wondering what was funny. I think I learned funny from him.

He wanted all of his kids to learn to play the piano. I think it was because he wanted to play along with us (he played the guitar). And so whenever I get to play along with Layne & Aldie, I think about how he would have loved to have done that. I know that I do.

I hope I'm getting better at this blog thing. Sometimes, I feel like I need to say something profound every time.

million dollar wedge

Wheel of Fortune was here on the Big Island taping shows and I got to see Pat and Vanna the other weekend. It was fun watching them do their thing so smoothly with all the lights and cameras. All the contestants were from Hawaii.

They have a new wedge on the wheel that's called the million dollar wheel. One of the contestants landed on it as he solved the puzzle for that round. The crowd went wild. Seemed like we all thought he won it when he landed on it. Not so. He would get the million only if he won the WHOLE game - going to the bonus round and winning it. Well, he ended up not winning enough money to go to the bonus round. No million dollars.

Sometime you think you've won everything, but you really don't know until the game's all over.

Anyway - watch for us (Joan & me) in the audience on Nov. 7 and 10. That's when the shows we watched will be aired.

start

Well, we'll see how this goes. After 2 years of Denise H. telling me I should do this, here's the start. My hesitation for 2 years was that I could not envision why anyone would want to know what I thought or felt. But since Pastor D has started his it was time for me (the person in the second chair) to begin.

And this is a good day to begin. Today is my mom's birthday - Sept. 9, 9/9. My mom was always the kind of person that wanted everything neat and tidy. We were always being told to "tidy up your room." I thought her whole life was like that. Even the day she died. May 5, 5/5. Her life was 9/9/26-5/5/02.

The other day I was reading about how out of our lives should flow rivers of living water, that being close to God meant that others would be blessed without us even being aware of it. Made me think about mom. Standing up in the choir, singing "Make Me a Blessing" along with the congregation with tears running down her face. We (maybe it was just me) would tease her about it and she would just shrug it off.

Looking back on it I guess the line "out of my life may Jesus shine" was really important to her. She had her flaws and faults like the rest of us, imperfect creatures that we are. But I guess she lived realizing that it wasn't about her, but about others.

Living your life chasing after happiness is not why God made us. If that's all you do, there's nothing much left at the end of it. But, I think deep down inside most of us really want to live our lives in such a way that at the end of it all, there will be those left who were blessed because we were a part of their lives.

Blessing - now that's a good word.